Obsessed Crazy

Obsessed crazy

Need success and money as bad as human beings need air. 

No, I'm for real. 

Money can't buy you love, peace and happiness, but it can buy you everything else, even some time.

Time, is very important all the time,

All the time, every second, minute, hour, trying to accomplish,

 seeking a miracle to be,

 focused on being a better me, 

which is a man with a plan, 

an author with faith that he'll go farther and farther up, farther like light years away. 

Even when that time come I'll still only will be a call away.

Not being humble always, could lead to a fumble in many ways.

In many ways I know that life itself should be satisfying yet it is heaven I seek, you know love, peace, happiness, blessed with a money on top, now that is gratifying.

Some don't think it's obsession but just plain ole craziness and stress, how when they come to my house all the t.v's are off, lights is off, everything is off. 

Once they thought that I was dead or loss cause I turned my phone off then threw it way out in the woods and then walked off.

Stress well yeah somewhat but more so sleepy I've been up this entire week,

with only about 5 hours at the most of sleep,

an hour a day barely, 

trust me though I am not crazy, 

if anything you know that I'm not lazy.

Obsessed or crazy, 

all I do is work and think for weeks,  barely have time to eat, 

no shower and I stink, 

about day 7-8 it got so bad that I still didn't shower I just hurried up and hit the sink.

I will never forget this journey to my zenith. I will remember every eye opener and every blink of an eye.

If you get my drift then hopefully you see my living and dying outside of the box as a gift. 

Something special maybe a little off how I've debated with God and how I swung on the devil. 

I've learned, so now when I see evil I give it a big hug, maybe a handshake, or kiss then walk away.

I don't sit down to be entertained and then trapped like how I used to. 

I could never get use to the pain, 

and the chains and the sudden off and on switch placed on the wall of my brain.

That's the past though, today I hang,

I hangout mostly with God. Oh wow!

I got to smile to that, 

especially when I glimpse back, 

see me in combat, 

now I'm right here alive so I guess it's safe to say that we conquered all of that.

Obsessed with winning, crazy and insane about winning, 

cause there are no other options got to win and even if the final score doesn't favor me, 

I'm going to win and the reward is going to be a lesson learned in the end. So still I end up winning in overtime cause I went for the wisdom.

You know whenever you try and fail at least you got something cause the only way you can fail is if you try to do something. 

When you don't try the least you get is absolutely nothing, 

not failure, 

not an achievement, 

not even a chance.

Failed a million times, every time though there was a chance that I could have achieved something maybe small, possibly out of this world though.

I'm not just hoping for a miracle, trying to find a miracle, 

I'm working on being the miracle.

I'm not spending time looking for a person to give me a breakthrough, cause I'm striving to be a breakthrough for people.

I'm not just trying to read others success stories, 

watch other peoples success story. I'm working to be a success story myself.

The 25th hour

25th hour

Failed for the millionth time,

Still though I could succeed on the millionth and one try.

hey, you never know, 

but if you give up one thing you will know is that it's over,

and it can't never be over, 

not even if the fat lady sings, 

not even if no one else believes in you, 

not even if you fail again, and again, and again, again.

Not even on the 24th hour 

or the 25th hour either. 

Don't give up. Ever.

Keep on trying until that day your heart stops and or your breath is gone.

Until then keep on living, 

keep on trying and striving.

Cry if you have to, 

cry until you have no more tears left to cry.

Fear you only and nothing else.

I spent a whole day running, tripping, hurdling, fighting and everything else.

A whole 24 hours. Ran, tripped, hurdled, fought all to fail again. 

Giving up and quitting was hanging on to my back. 

Curiosity killed the cat, 

but it birthed success because life changed for the better when I got to the 25th hour. 

Addiction

Oh what a feeling this is, 

I've gotten to love it more then anything, even life itself. 

All that I care about these days is this thing and the feeling that it gives me. Please don't judge me cause we all have our addictions.

We all have something that we just can't get away from, this something that enters into the mind, then creep down and latches onto the body then won't let go and when it finally does leave the body it actually becomes sad and disturbed of the departure and so is the mind.

I've seen addiction just take people away only for them to never return and even for those that did they looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize the person they was looking at. 

But you see that's some of the bad things of addiction and being addicted to negative things cause in truth even the bad negative addictions could be used for positive growth, for amazing transformations and wisdom, to humble, to make one grateful and appreciative when maybe you wasn't before.

Any and all addictions can be good and or bad. I guest it's the outcome that determines which one it is.

My addiction has kept me alive believe it or not and yeah I've almost met my death a few times from the most brutal withdrawals.

Withdrawals that lasted longer then three days, or weeks, or months,

 I'm talking years.

I got my first taste of this thing when I was in elementary and I enjoyed the feelings and highs well up into my twenties and from then on I've just experience moments of this thing that I love and cherish and obsessed over for so long, dreamed about just about every night, had nightmares of it vanishing and not ever returning.

That thing, this thing, what is it you ask?

Well its success of course and happiness which to me is one and the same.

I'm addicted to my dreams, to my passion, to putting my stamp on this world, carving out my legacy, 

making it to the mountain top.

I get a rush when I achieve something, may sound crazy but in my addiction I believe in.

Wake up and the first thing on my mind is getting my fix of progression, of some happiness. 

Success is all that I think about hustle and work towards all day everyday. 

I'm a stone cold junky for success.

Without it I'm sick, still I try to embrace my sick times and not fight them cause that'll only make things worst. 

The sick times is spiritual times cause it takes all of my soul to push forward, to still work, march, talk and keep on at it well past the dark.

We all have addictions for better or worst. Mines is success, happiness, striving to be the best, get the most out of this lifetime.

We all have them, 

what is your, 

Addiction?

I love you!!! part 1

I love you

Hey, I just want you to know that I love you. I always have and I always will. I'll never stopped loving you.

You see the problem was that sometime ago I stopped loving me.

So now I've been in another world,

Traveling around trying to find my love, my love for me that I once had so greatly, so happily.

Your always on my mind though,

a few times I broke down crying thinking about you. Crazy but true.

True love spilling out of my eyes.

All I can do is keep on fighting to reach my dreams, for you and me.

No matter how long we are apart,

No matter where you are at or how you are doing, looking and feeling,

my love for you has no ceiling.

I love you,

I really do,

I know that you love me too.

With all the stuff you seen me go through and all that I put you through,

yet still at the end of the day it's been me and and you.

I love you!!!!

It's not over yet!!!

God spoke to me yesterday, rather through some chain of events,

and I got it but I didn't so today my favorite person on this earth my mom was sent. 

In my ears, through my ears were the words it's not over yet. 

This morning I woke up only to see, especially to see that it wasn't over yet. 

Some bad things seems like they were meant to guide me right, 

Some right things seemed as if they were meant to hide me from evil's sight. 

Love and fight, fight for love, do right by love and for love. 

I tried to tell many about love but that was the wrong way, for what could I say, what I show would be most powerful. 

This world, those people, places and things, could and has turned some angelic like people mean, cold and unlike who they really are, stay away, or stand ground while in the way. 

Truth is I've battled, I even became frustrated with God a time or two.

I didn't understand, I wanted what I wanted, I feel bad because what I wanted may not have been good for me. It would have destroyed what was left of what I was holding on too.

I've been lost, blinded, in a fog, sad, angry, outraged, drugged up, 

blacked out, almost dead, yeah that high, heart beating abnormally fast,

out of breath, this is it my death, next there was the sun sliding through the blinds, birds singing a favorite song of mine, my eyes and ears were active, I'm alive, my heart was beating peacefully and on top of it all I lifted up and got out of the bed quite easily.

It wasn't over yet.

I thanked God, I asked for forgiveness, he forgave me and said

"Now take advantage of your time because it's not over yet."